“Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain” (Psalm 127:1) — and wise builders also count the cost before they build (Luke 14:28). Premarital counseling is one of the best investments an engaged couple can make. Research consistently finds that couples who complete premarital counseling or education report stronger communication, more realistic expectations, and higher marital satisfaction than couples who don’t. Here are answers to the questions couples ask us most.

Who can facilitate premarital counseling?

• Pastors: trusted faith leaders, typically within a church, who have been trained to walk couples toward marriage.
• Coaches: life coaches or facilitators trained to lead marriage courses.
• Counselors: licensed professionals thoroughly trained to help premarital and married couples — and able to serve as an unbiased mediator when conflict arises.
• Mentors: people who know you both well and have guided you through hard circumstances.

When should a couple start premarital counseling?

Most couples start around three months before the wedding — but earlier is better. The further you are from invitations, deposits, and deadlines, the freer you are to take what you’re learning seriously.

Is premarital counseling worth it?

Studies consistently find premarital counseling effective at helping couples build a strong foundation. Topics worth discussing before marriage include:

• Marriage expectations, role beliefs, and core values
• Reflecting on your past and how it affects your future together
• Conflict-resolution skills and communication styles
• Money management
• Sex, intimacy, and untangling intimacy issues
• Children — whether, when, and how you’ll parent
• Understanding one another’s religious beliefs and working together as a team

What questions are asked in premarital counseling?

Every counselor, pastor, and program differs, but core questions usually include:

• Why do you want to get married, and what is marriage for?
• How is your relationship with your family members — and how did your family handle conflict?
• How important is faith to you, and how does it impact your relationship? What does the Bible say about marriage?
• What does forgiveness mean to each of you?
• What are your boundaries, hopes, and expectations around sex and intimacy?
• What expectations do you have about providing for your family financially?
• What are your likely short-term and long-term conflicts?

How many sessions are needed?

Programs typically range from 1 to 12 sessions; most couples who participate complete at least five. Each session usually focuses on one topic — conflict resolution, finances, intimacy, values, family history, communication — and works through the rest over the course of the program.

What are the benefits of premarital counseling?

• Builds communication skills
• Provides a safe place to address potential conflict before it hardens
• Helps couples plan for the future
• Lets couples absorb wisdom from someone further down the road
• Allows couples to discover new things about each other

Does premarital counseling reduce divorce?

Research on premarital education generally finds meaningfully lower divorce risk and higher marital quality among couples who participate — and some of that benefit comes from couples discovering deep incompatibilities before the wedding rather than after. Exact figures vary by study and program, so be wary of any single headline number; the direction of the evidence, though, is consistently positive.

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Ready to start marriage well?

Our team offers premarital and couples counseling that takes both clinical excellence and your faith seriously — in person in Glendale, AZ and online across Arizona and Washington.

References

• Carroll, J. S., & Doherty, W. J. (2003). Evaluating the effectiveness of premarital prevention programs: A meta-analytic review of outcome research. Family Relations, 52(2), 105–118. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2003.00105.x
• Stanley, S. M., Amato, P. R., Johnson, C. A., & Markman, H. J. (2006). Premarital education, marital quality, and marital stability: Findings from a large, random household survey. Journal of Family Psychology, 20(1), 117–126. https://doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.20.1.117
• Hawkins, A. J., Blanchard, V. L., Baldwin, S. A., & Fawcett, E. B. (2008). Does marriage and relationship education work? A meta-analytic study. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 76(5), 723–734. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0012584