“In an abundance of counselors there is safety” (Proverbs 11:14) — but Scripture also assumes counselors differ, and that finding a wise one matters. Research agrees: it consistently shows that the relationship between you and your therapist is one of the strongest predictors of whether therapy helps. Finding the right match matters more than finding the “best” therapist on paper — and if you’ve been through a therapist (or several) who wasn’t right, the flaw isn’t with you. You just haven’t found your match yet.
This list is adapted from Heidi Fischer’s excellent article on TheMighty.com, with our own commentary.
1. You are equals
Your thoughts, ideas, and beliefs are respected and considered. You are the expert on you; the therapist is the expert on counseling. Together you are a team of experts. A therapist who talks over you, dismisses your feedback, or keeps using approaches you’ve said don’t help isn’t treating you as an equal.
2. You feel seen and heard
You may not be able to pin down exactly how they convey it — but you find yourself able to show up as your true self. That felt safety to be honest is what good therapy is built on.
3. You sometimes leave feeling worse
Good therapy can be hard work, and some sessions will wipe you out. The key is why. Are you exhausted because you dove deep and worked hard — and you’re being given tools to recover, with plenty of sessions where you feel great? That’s growth. Or do you feel worse because you don’t feel heard, respected, or seen? That’s a sign to move on.
4. The therapist is affordable and accessible
No matter how good a therapist is, if you can’t afford the sessions or get to them, that barrier will undermine the work — and a therapist who encourages you to keep coming while knowing you’re struggling on either front is acting unethically. Many therapists offer sliding scales (ours works in price ranges), and our guide to getting help on any budget lists more options.
5. You are changing and growing
Change may happen slowly, but it should be happening. Some of that growth depends on what you do in and out of session — but if you feel stuck or aren’t noticing progress, that at least warrants a conversation with your therapist. (This is why we measure outcomes at Restored Life — see our research.)
6. You feel safe
Safety means different things to different people: physical safety, confidence in confidentiality, or something harder to name. The right therapist makes sure you feel safe, stays open to conversations about it, and adjusts when needed.
7. Competency in the areas that matter to you
Not all therapists are created equal — training and experience vary widely. A therapist trained only in CBT when you need attachment work isn’t the right one; the same goes for competency in your culture and, for many of our clients, your faith. Ask potential therapists about this before you start. You shouldn’t have to settle for someone not equipped for your needs.
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Next steps
Your signs may look a little different from this list, and that’s okay. If you’re looking for a therapist who takes both clinical excellence and your faith seriously, meet our team — in person in Glendale, AZ or online across Arizona and Washington. And if we’re full, not in your area, or just not the right fit, we’d genuinely rather you find your match: try Mental Health Match.
References
- Flückiger, C., Del Re, A. C., Wampold, B. E., & Horvath, A. O. (2018). The alliance in adult psychotherapy: A meta-analytic synthesis. Psychotherapy, 55(4), 316–340. https://doi.org/10.1037/pst0000172
- Norcross, J. C., & Lambert, M. J. (2018). Psychotherapy relationships that work III. Psychotherapy, 55(4), 303–315. https://doi.org/10.1037/pst0000193
- Eubanks, C. F., Muran, J. C., & Safran, J. D. (2018). Alliance rupture repair: A meta-analysis. Psychotherapy, 55(4), 508–519. https://doi.org/10.1037/pst0000185
- Swift, J. K., & Callahan, J. L. (2009). The impact of client treatment preferences on outcome: A meta-analysis. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 65(4), 368–381. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.20553